


Lies Your Captain Told You

by waldorph



Series: 2012-2013 Winter Anthology [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Blanket Permission, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waldorph/pseuds/waldorph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The building collapsed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lies Your Captain Told You

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Lies Your Captain Told You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044364) by [Alexxx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexxx/pseuds/Alexxx)



> for **majoline** who wanted k/s superangst- you've been warned.
> 
> eta: [Alexxx](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexxx/pseuds/Alexxx) has translated this into Chinese! [Read it here](http://www.mtslash.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=94947&extra=&page=1) or [here on the ao3!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1044364).

There's blood, a lot of it, green and red and black on the sand, mingling and ugly. 

"Color-coded," Jim says. "For Bones' convenience." 

"Shut up," Spock says, and Jim huffs a laugh, because Spock is such a bitch.

He feels heavy, and the pain is scratching along his nerve endings, boiling in his blood, a fucking inconsistent sensation that doesn't quit, doesn't let him rest.

The building collapsed. Well, blew up. There were a brother and sister on the other side of the wall, but he went quiet a long time ago, and she stopped sobbing a little while back. There's a woman who keeps fading in and out of consciousness, hallucinating and clawing her way back from death in an unrelenting, unconscious battle. Death's going to win. That's what Death does.

Spock isn't too badly hurt, he says. His arm is probably broken, but he's just trapped, mostly. Can't shove his way out from under that much debris, though some of it cut into his side.

Jim's dead. It's just…his body hasn't figured it out yet. He doesn't think his legs even look like legs, which is kind of unfortunate, because he's got damn good legs, and this pair of leather pants he was going to wear on shore leave next week.

"This is a shit rescue," Jim mutters. "We should have made them run more drills."

"They are likely scrambling to find us," Spock says. "I would rather they were accurate."

Spock thinks they have the luxury of time. Jim doesn't want to--doesn't want to say otherwise, so he says, "Well, I mean, Scotty has that new brew."

Their hands don't quite reach, but Jim keeps flexing his fingers, like maybe he could get closer. He watches Spock do the same, and wonders if he knows. 

He wants to say, "I love you." He hasn't said it--not--not really. Not like that. He would have liked to, but he can't, because Spock will know something's wrong, and then he'll die too.

The rescue team finds them. 

"Get Spock," Jim says, and Carty does, because Jim is Captain. 

"I must insist--" Spock starts, glaring at Jim as Carty holds onto him and beams them up. 

"That wasn't nice," Bones says as he crouches down.

Jim watches him take in the lower half of Jim's body, realization tightening the corners of his eyes. "Yeah," Jim says. "It was." 

"Motherfucker," Bones breathes. 

"It's definitely infected," Jim says, because it is. There are probably bugs in there, that's probably what the scratchy feeling is. "Plus you lift that, I bleed out, so."

"Goddamnit, Jim," Bones whispers, hard and gruff, pissed off that this is something he can't fix. Like this is something Jim's doing to him, and Jim grins, because it's funny. Bones is fucking hilarious, and Jim's gonna miss that. 

"You should stay on for his first tour," Jim says. "He needs you, maybe Uhura will balance you two out, but. You'd be good for him. Just finish this one up, maybe the next."

"Shut up, Jim."

"I don't want to get shot out of the cannon. I know it's procedure, but I want you to spread my ashes."

"Jim." Jim looks at him, at the fierce lines of Bones' face, the way his eyes are bright, and God. God, Jim wishes it was M'Benga. M'Benga would let Jim go, would give him something for the pain and let him--let him go. But he has Bones, so Jim gets anesthetized and beamed up to the ship, transported straight into Med Bay. 

He listens to Chapel and Bones fight, sees hands and red, so much red. It seems impossible that he could even--that he could still have anything left to give, but there it is.

It's sad that he's died enough times to know what this feels like, but he has, and this is it. This heavy, crushing feeling in his chest and the staggering headache behind his eyes, the way he feels like none of it is real anymore, not really.

"Bones," he says. "McCoy." 

Bones looks at him, and Jim shakes his head. "You need to stop."

"You're not captain right now--"

"Bones."

"No," Bones snaps, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead. "No."

They come in with a sedative, which--fine. Jim didn't want to fight with Bones about this, he'll let his body do it. It won't matter, because in a couple of minutes Bones is going to lose. 

"It was so stupid," he mutters as the drug clouds his system, because it was. He shouldn't have--he shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have flirted and laughed and pressed Spock down, kissed him until Jim's lips were raw with it. Shouldn't have wanted him so much, shouldn't have--should have tried for some fucking self-control, because then it would just be a captain. It'd be a friend losing a friend, not this. Spock is shockingly bad at grief.

Because Bones is going to lose. He's going to stare at Jim's body and swear at him, and then Bones is going to try to break a lot of equipment until Chapel points out that Spock and maybe some of the others--Scotty's not on duty right now, has not reason to be anywhere else, so he'll be waiting with Spock--are waiting. And then Bones is going to walk into the little antechamber and he's not going to be able to say it, so M'Benga is going to tell Spock that Jim is dead. 

And then Spock is going to have to make the announcement to the crew. Someone else will offer--Uhura, probably, but Spock will decline, and then he'll take care of the funeral arrangements, and tell Starfleet. And then life will go on, and Spock will live for two more centuries. He'll have a spouse and maybe children and a whole life, and maybe, sometimes, he'll remember Jim.

Maybe Spock will visit Jim's grave, the way he makes a pilgrimage to his mother's grave when he can, and he'll tell the story of that one time they saved Earth, saved the Federation. 

Maybe.

But mostly, there is going to be this moment when M'Benga tells Spock that Jim is dead, and Spock is going to know that Jim has broken all his promises. That when Jim said, "I'm not going anywhere," and "I was thinking when we're old we should get a place on Vega 5," and "I've got you. I promise," Jim was, in fact, lying.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Blanket Permission:** go ahead and translate, make podfic, rework the fic, or do whatever other transformative work you can think of. If the work is hosted on another site, drop me a comment or email and I'll put a link in the story notes!
> 
> [twitter:](https://twitter.com/waldorph) for unfiltered me || [tumblr:](http://waldorph.tumblr.com/) less about me, more about the pretty gifsets and art

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Lies Your Father Told You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/817980) by [Nerdyesque](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdyesque/pseuds/Nerdyesque)
  * [[Podfic] Lies Your Captain Told You by waldorph](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7247515) by [wingedwords (gunpowderandlove)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunpowderandlove/pseuds/wingedwords)




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